Society likes romanticizing love too much. It says that you need to deserve this higher feeling, be utterly devoted, and scarify your life for a certain someone. Although it may be virtuous, let’s admit that TV shows and books promote codependency, rather than true love like on romancecompass. They say dissolving in your partner equals strong feelings, while this is a mere parody of truly healthy relationships.
It is time for you to get rid of the old stigma about perfect dating and learn why you actually shouldn’t be too attached to your partner.
1. You might lose your identity
If you think of your partner as the main of life, giving up on your own ambitions, desires, and hobbies, you can easily lose your true self. Giving all the attention to this person makes you forget about your own needs. Have you ever been in a situation when you want something, but are ready to refuse from it because your date wants another thing? If the answer is positive, then you should reevaluate your beliefs in a perfect relationship. Don’t sacrifice something you cherish just because someone likes you better without your hobbies. In a healthy relationship, both partners evolve together, supporting each other’s needs and interests.
2. You might get lost in codependency
Codependency is a theatrical for “I can’t live without her.” You can’t go out with your friends without your significant other because you will quickly get paranoid. Consequently, you take each other as an accessory, disregarding desires, and staying in a comfort zone. If you have a similar situation, it’s difficult to call your relationships healthy. Both partners have to live their separate lives, having different friends, meeting new people, getting together with family members, and spending time apart sometimes. It doesn’t mean you have to limit time for common pastime. If your partner has a football match, and you want to go shopping, there is no need to rant and compromise. It’s okay to spend this time separately.
3. A breakup will be the end of your world
Codependent relationships bring sorrow in the process, but breaking up can be even more painful. If you put in too much effort and sacrificed yourself for the sake of a new relationship, breaking up will ruin your world. Imagine merging with your partner to an extent when you had to give up on family, friends, hobbies. There will be nothing left from you after the wound in your heart becomes hollow. You can lose your main support since prioritizing a relationship makes you forget about your value.
4. You will feel unfairly treated
Why did they go without you? Who are they talking to? You sacrificed yourself for the relationship, while the other partner keeps leaving their normal life. You feel the unfair treatment and want to hurt your date because of their poor intention. But what if your partner doesn’t want to lose their connections with friends or their freedom? What will you tell them? The secret lies in defining borders from the start. If your partner didn’t ask you to refuse from any of that stuff, you have no right to demand 100% celibacy as well. Getting to each other’s borders is a try and error experience.
5. You become too jealous
If the partner is your whole world, wouldn’t you want to be in full control of the universe you live in together? Loving the person dictates many fears, which are, most of the time, a selfish desire to obtain and dominate. Fears and insecurities often cause jealousy. It launches a series of unexpected checkups, empty demands, stalking, and breaking borders (for example, reading texts). Unfortunately, jealousy won’t keep the partner close to you. In fact, controlling behavior can scare and turn off anyone. Instead of freaking out, try to work on your emotions. Where does insecurity come from in your situation? Give your partner more freedom and, if you need, consult with a specialist on that matter.